Category: Uncategorized

June 22, 2017 Uncategorized

She Matters: Kaylyn’s Story

**This post is a part of She Matters: The Mended Heart Project, a project to bring awareness to stories of overcoming sexual abuse through grace and redemption and an attempt to give survivors a voice. To check out more on this project, see the original post here.



Let me introduce you to Kaylyn. Many of the stories I’ve been blessed to share on this platform come from women I barely know or have met a handful of times. This story is different. Kaylyn is one of my closest friends. Watching God transform her heart and her story has been a real-life journey, one I feel privileged to share in. Kaylyn is wise, beautiful, compassionate, and bold. Check out how she uses her voice on her YouTube channel here. 


To my abusers,

I don’t know how to begin this.
I spent years telling myself that I forgave you, but the person that really needed forgiveness was me.  I beat myself silent with the “I could haves” and “I should haves,” because I knew that would be everyone’s response if I told them what happened.  So I lived with the shame.
 Someone looked me in the eyes and told me that the fault was all yours. Still, I continued to cling to the fact that I had already made peace with the idea that it was my fault.  If I’m being honest, I think I used that as an excuse to hide behind and avoid dealing with what you did to me.  It was easier to just forgive you than to come to terms with what it meant to be sexually abused. In that “forgiveness,” however, I never mourned what I lost because of you.
I lost my trust and belief that a man can be good, respectful, have integrity, or think of me as their equal.  I became bitter.
I lost my belief in most people and their desire to stand up for those who are abused.  I have encountered only a select few who have felt righteous anger on my behalf. I’ve had to mourn the reactions of disbelief from those I love.
I lost the innocence of being able to fall in love with someone because I automatically believe the worst in them. I believe that men see me as an object of pleasure rather than a human being worthy of respect. Because of this, there is a constant uneasiness when I am around any man, especially if there is no one else around.
I’ve lost any peace of mind when it comes to being physical with my future husband. I get anxiety when I think about having sex. I’m mad that I have to tell him why I’m scared and why I can’t just enjoy something that was designed to be good. I’m frustrated for him, that he’s going to have to continuously fight to help take down my walls.  
I struggle with the idea that there is someone of character out there for me, and if there is, that I will push him away because my walls are too high and too difficult to break down.
 I come with baggage and I’m not apologetic for that, but you should be.
Despite all of that, however, God has brought beauty from my ashes. He has made a beautiful whole, picture out of my broken pieces.
He has shown me my worth.
 I know that I am valued beyond measure and deserve respect. Because of this, I have learned to fight intensely for myself because I refuse to be considered someone’s inferior, an object they can use. I have become strong, stronger than I’ve ever felt. God is good and it’s his goodness, overwhelming grace, and relentless pursuit of me that fuels me to stand taller and to not back down when fighting for what I believe in. 
He makes me brave.
Brave enough to forgive you.
What you did was traumatic and in no way okay, but my peace and healing doesn’t depend on you recognizing that.  I forgive you, because He has begun a new healing me and showing me more of His goodness that only came from mourning what I have lost. He is restoring and will continue to restore what I have lost.   

August 18, 2015 Uncategorized

For the Love: Book Launches, Endorsements and a FREE GIVEAWAY

This post is part of Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE.

Y’all. If you have made it to August 18th and have not heard me talk about For the Love by Jen Hatmaker, we might not even be real friends. I don’t know what to say.

Let me catch you up on the whole ordeal. Back in March, I received this fun little email.

I squealed with enthusiasm.

Because launching a book is fun, but launching a book for someone like Jen Hatmaker?

Y’all… that is a dream come true.

If you don’t already know about her… Do yourself a favor… Right now…

Open a new tab and follow her on all things social media, I’ll wait here. You’re welcome.

Now that you’re back, let me tell you just a little bit about why I love Jen.

1. She loves Jesus. Like she loves Him big and real and open and honest. She makes Him her number one priority and worries more about pleasing Him than anyone else. As a celebrity, I can’t imagine that is an easy task. But, knowing that is her heart is enough to get me behind her in nearly everything she does.

2. She is passionate about loving people. Her heart beats for works of justice and compassion. She is involved locally and globally in responsible and wise uses of service and money to reach the needy. In fact, after doing some research, I decided to become a monthly supporter of her new charity, Legacy Collective. Check it out- awesome, wise, sustainable solutions to local and global poverty and injustice.

3. Her heart beats for the local church. She and her husband, Brandon, are church planters and have been on church staff for years. In case you didn’t already know, we are a church planting family. The local church consumes a large part of our lives, hearts, and time. It is exhausting, fulfilling, heartbreaking, hard, wonderful work. Church leaders/planters and their families literally pour their lives into the local church because we still believe God is at work and we are humbled to join Him, but it’s not easy work. I think it’s because of the passion involved, the hard, sobering, humbling moments of ministry work, that somehow we (ministry leaders and their families) feel this special bond with each other- a burning desire to push each other onward. To offer an “I see you, I understand you,” to be a cheerleader on their sidelines.

4. She is hilarious. She is real, open, vulnerable, and fluent in sarcasm. If you can’t handle laughter that turns to tears, well…bye Felicia.

So back to the whole book launch team deal….

The part in the email where she says “And some of you are going to end up on the inside cover”?

We all got the opportunity to write endorsements for the book.

Let me tell you a little bit about the night I turned in my endorsement.

I was taking 24 college credits while working 2 jobs. It was finals week. I had hundreds of pages of curriculum due and did not want to write one more word or spend one more second in front of my computer.
By the grace of God alone and the extra hours to account for time zone differences, I submitted my endorsement (probably late).

My brain was fried, but I set an alarm on my phone, thought of something witty to say and submitted it. Because even though I knew I’d never be selected, when Jen Hatmaker lets you submit an endorsement, you do it.

And just like that, I went about my happy, crazy, busy, life.

I finished that insane 24 credit semester. I said goodbye to two wonderful jobs and I walked across a stage, shook hands, and moved my tassel. Graduation was all that my mind could handle.

I was sitting in my living room a few short weeks later when the following email popped up on my screen.

It’s possible I shed a tear or two.

Who are we kidding? I cried.

And as if all of that wasn’t enough, Jen is straight awesome and crazy all at the same time in that she is hosting the 500 launch team women at her house in TX in September for a giant launch team party.

I cannot say enough good things about these women and this book.

But you will hear about all of that this week along with my favorite quotes, etc. But for now, just one favorite quote!

Let me give you the details on the FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY.

You made it this far, you deserve it!

Here’s the deal.

Every person who subscribes to my blog via email gets entered to win a free book. 

If enough of you subscribe, I’ll throw a second winner into the deal. So just do it. You want this book. I promise. Even if you already bought it, enter to give one to a friend!

It’s super simple!

On the right side of the webpage you are on now, there is a little section that says “WANT TO SUBSCRIBE? FOLLOW BY EMAIL” Just type your email address into the nifty little box below and click submit and you are done!

The important thing is that you subscribe BEFORE AUGUST 31. The drawing will happen the 31st, so you need to get your email in before then.

Best of luck my friends, may the odds be in your favor!

Check out the trailer and then go see all of the book details and order it HERE.

October 2, 2014 Uncategorized

Altogether Beautiful: A Letter for Your First Year of Life

Almost three months ago exactly, I landed on a plane back in the United States after living for six weeks in Johannesburg, South Africa caring for precious babies every day. The world likes to call them orphans, and I catch myself doing the same thing from time to time, but I deeply believe in God’s eyes they are not left or alone, they are deeply loved by Him and simply yet to be found by their forever families.


Each of those precious babies stole my heart, but one grabbed me in a way I will never recover from. I went to change her life and she ended up eternally changing mine. This week, she turned one and my heart aches that I can’t be there to hold her, to stand on the balcony every night and tell her how loved she is. This letter is in the mail to South Africa in hopes that one day, when she’s old enough to understand the words; someone who loves her deeply and has taken her in forever will read it to her and remind her that she has always been deeply loved.   

My precious T,
                This week you turn one and my heart aches that I am miles and miles away. I only wish that I could be there to hold you and watch you take your first steps. You are always in my thoughts and I love you more than anything. On your first birthday, I wanted to tell you a few things you will need to know in this life.


1.  Love Deeply

You light up a room with your smile and laughter. Never lose that unsinkable joy, it will carry you far. Open your heart to people. Sometimes it will get broken, but the return of loving people well is worth the risk, always.


2.  Never stop believing in yourself and others.

You have a twinkle in your eye that shows you believe you can do anything- and you can. I knew it as I watched you learn to walk, falling 100 times and giggling as you stood back up to try again. I knew it as I watched you learn to give kisses. You bit my nose every time, but you grinned like you had done the most amazing thing. Never lose your wonder. Dream big and continue getting up and trying again. You can and will do great things my love. I believe in you.

3.  Follow Jesus with reckless abandon.

You will find this one hard sometimes, when Jesus seems far away or life seems unfair, but He is always with you baby girl. If I could wish one thing for the rest of your life, it would be this- that you would learn to love Him deeply and allow yourself to be deeply loved by Him. Spend time with Him, get to know Him. He loves you more than anyone, so much that He died to bring you freedom and eternal life. Cling to Him and let Him carry you through this life. There is nothing of greater significance than this (Jeremiah 29:13).


4.  Know that you are, and have forever been, loved and wanted (Jeremiah 31:3).

God created you and knit you before you were born with great purpose (Psalm 139:13-17). He loved you from the beginning and He has such incredible plans for you. I used to hold you on the balcony every night as the sun was setting and tell you these things. I would pray over your sweet life and the big plans God has for you and then I would remind you and pray that you would always know- You are NOT a mistake, You are loved, and You are eternally wanted. God loves you and so do I. Never ever forget that!

There are a million things I want to tell you, but for now, these will have to do. Please know how deeply I love you. I think of you daily and am always praying for you and your future.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling” Song of Solomon 4:7

I crossed oceans hoping to change lives, and in the end, you have forever changed mine.


 
With all of my heart,
                Auntie Hannah
June 16, 2014 Uncategorized

Nappies, Humor, and Hard Work

When I first announced that I’d be going to South Africa and explained what I’d be doing for 6 weeks, the most common response I received was something to the effect of “aww you get to hold cute babies for 6 weeks, you are perfect for that. It will be so much fun!” and I pretty much nodded my head and agreed.

Now, halfway into this journey, I’m not sure whether to nod my head in agreement (because it isa lot of fun and the babies are way cuterthan you could imagine) or to laugh sarcastically and rattle on about how this trip is a whole lot more than cute babies and I’m so not perfect for it (which is all the more reason God has to show up, because without Him, I do not have this under control).

~It is countless sleepless nights begging God to prove Himself strong for the baby I just held moments before he was rushed to the hospital.

~ It’s not realizing any more that spit up has become a permanent accessory to my wardrobe, dried into essentially every article of clothing I own, because I have 13 babies to help care for, feed, change and prepare for their forever families and they are far more valuable than those jeans were.

~It’s only lasting until 3pm on my days off before going for a visit to the babies because I “just had to check really quick on so and so’s cough or runny nose” and then spending an hour giving hugs and kisses and wiping snotty noses because I just can’t help it.

~It’s catching myself referring to everyone as “Auntie” and using South African terms like “fetch”, “shame”, “nappie” and “sure” all the time in regular conversation.

~ It’s crying for no apparent reason except that they are perfect and I am homesick and tired and I love them more than anything I’ve ever known.

~It’s seeing God’s promise of redemption worked out in front of my eyes and praying for each one of their sweet “redeemed” stories as I watch them come to be.

~It’s trying to explain what biscuits and breakfast sausage are when no one has ever heard of either here. (Btw, they call cookies biscuits here and as of yet, I have not found anything comparable to a real biscuit to use as an example)

~It’s threatening not to share my “American” brownies and baked goodies that I made if my roommates make fun of my “American” accent or terms again 😉

~It’s wondering if the people who design baby clothes have ever actually dressed a wiggling baby in a 17 snap pajama outfit and tried to unsnap 17 snaps every time a diaper needed changing…the answer has to be no. Zippers my friends, zippers!

~It’s developing 72 new ways to make chocolate chips because we refuse to pay R30 ($3) for a bag of chocolate chips when you can buy a chocolate bar for R9.9 (99 cents). (FYI: My least favorite method so far? Cutting an entire chocolate bar with scissors…not good on the hands)

~It’s facing the fact that the sizes are different here and while your shoe size may have dropped 2 digits, your jean size has not. On the same note, it’s learning that very unlike America, people call one another “big” here as a compliment and not wanting to go on a binge diet the first time it happens to you. Big=blessed here- though certainly not in America.

~It’s realizing that, suddenly, I am the “foreigner” and there is no disguising it. Every single time we go out, someone stops and asks where I am from. They love my accent here which is so funny to me!

~It’s suddenly realizing how integral pepperonis are to a good pizza only when they aren’t a regular commodity and then being filled with loads of joy (and carbs) upon discovering the pizza place that serves pepperoni pizza.

~It’s reconciling different cultures and senses of humor to become friends with my roommates and realizing my flat encompasses people from all over the world and how, while incredibly difficult, it is equally an incredible blessing.

~It’s the first time my hands bled from constant washing. And the fact that today I hand washed well over 50 bibs and that was just one round.

~It’s the amount of prayer and spiritual dedication that goes into every worker and volunteer’s life in order to produce the patience, love and gentleness that emanates from them.

~It’s praying together, in different languages, from different cultures and spiritual upbringings, and trusting that The Lord hears every word just the way it was intended.

~It’s the fact that while I get to hold cute babies, it’s also a lot of hard work and yet, I love every single minute of it. What a blessing!

So… while a lot of my day looks like this

 
A good bit of it also looks like this


And this….


And this…


I have a pretty good feeling there will be a part two to this post as even I haven’t yet figured out everything that this trip is about. I’ve got a lot to learn still my friends….. Thank you for patiently and graciously supporting me and taking the time to read my thoughts. Your Facebook messages, emails and letters have carried me through and provided daily and sometimes hourly encouragement. Love you all!!


June 10, 2014 Uncategorized

Perspective, Humility and Heart Languages

There are approximately a million things going through my mind right now. I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts together well enough for a blog post that would clearly convey what I’m learning. My life in the last 2 weeks has changed completely, it has been turned utterly upside down. I’m thousands and thousands of miles away from everything I know. And yet, somehow I’m making a new normal here. It’s been by far the hardest experience of my life, but I’m learning not to confuse hard with bad. That’s something we do, we assume that hard and bad are synonymous and they’re not. In the last 2 weeks, I’ve been stretched to my limits physically and emotionally and it’s been an amazing journey. I’ve learned more about myself and The Lord in two weeks than many months combined.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned so far is that life is all about perspective. It’s entirely about the lens that you look through. I work 11 hour shifts, I can see them as long and draining or I can see them as spending as much time with these precious babies as I can before I return to America. I get spit up on multiple times a day and last week I was vomited on three days in a row. I can see that as gross and inconvenient or I can have a heart filled with compassion and see a sick little girl who desperately needs me to hold her and love her even after the fourth time she throws up on me. I can see being far away from all the things I know, love and miss as lonely and sink into self-pity or I can use this time to focus and to grow as a person and as a Christian with no distractions. I can become frustrated because communicating seems so much harder than I anticipated or I can humble myself and be patient with myself and with others. I can invest in them and listen slowly and carefully to hear their stories. Basically, I can choose to make this about me or about others.  God has been teaching me a LOT about my pride and this has most certainly been a humbling experience. I was reminded today of something Clayton King preached this year. “God wants to do a work in you, before he will ever do a work through you”. I trust that there will be plenty of stories to tell about the awesome things that I get to watch God accomplish through this trip, but right now I’m in the what God is accomplishing inme phase. I have a feeling that when that phase comes first, the end result is better! I’ve learned that while I’m here improving the quality of these babies’ lives, they are in return doing just as much to improve the quality of mine.

One of my favorite  stories of the trip thus far is what I experienced on Sunday. I just finished reading a book about the persecuted church called The Insanity of God and I had been feeling incredibly grateful for the freedom to worship with other believers. At the same time, I hadn’t had that experience in two weeks. I was super excited to attend church Sunday, but I wasn’t sure what to expect. While people here speak English and are great, communicating has still been really difficult and I have certainly experienced culture shock. As Marcelle would say, they speak English here and I speak “American”. Therefore, I wondered what church would be like. The persecuted believers I read about in the book talked about the importance of a heart language. Sunday, at church, I discovered that South African believers and I share a heart language.  Our heart language is worship. I literally got chills as I worshiped the same God with South African believers that I do back home with fellow American believers. We sang the same songs and, suddenly, accents and confusion about language disappeared. All those things were unimportant, because together we shared a common bond. We were unified in worship and that, I believe, is a small glimpse of heaven. Sunday was an enormous encouragement and I was so grateful for that experience!

Read a verse this morning that I am absolutely claiming and dwelling on throughout this trip.
The Lord will prove Himself strong to those whose hearts are completely committed to Him.  2 Chronicles 16:9

So, in summary, this has been one of the hardest and best experiences all at the same time because hard and bad are so not synonymous. I’m so blessed to share this journey with each of you and I’m so grateful for your prayers, love, and support. I can’t wait to return and tell you all tons of stories and show you all of the beautiful babies I’m blessed to work with!


P.S. After writing this post, I discovered that I would really need that verse I memorized. We are needing God to show Himself strong tonight at Door of Hope and in Joburg because we had 4 babies rushed to the ER this week, one of them was one of my babies I worked with today. We need your prayers big time! God is going to prove Himself strong!
May 30, 2014 Uncategorized

South Africa Reflections Week 1

So, I’ve been in South Africa approximately 2 days now… I’m not sure I have the composure to tell you all how I feel yet. It’s been tough, interesting and amazing, but I’m not sure I can write paragraphs yet haha I need more reflection time. So, for now you get just a few reflections.

            ~This is hard. Like harder than I ever could have imagined. I refuse to sugarcoat and have committed to be honest about my experience. It’s hard emotionally, it’s been hard and draining physically as well. It’s hard to balance loving this place and being thousands of miles away from so many other things I love. It’s hard not knowing anyone. It’s hard work, 11 hours a day, 4 days in a row, on my feet constantly. I knew it would be hard, but I’m not sure I could have prepared for this. I assure you though, it’s worth it.

          ~  It’s everything I imagined and more. The babies are incredible, such precious, loving children. Every single one of them is just beautiful. I sat and cried today while feeding them, because I just know God has this amazing plan for every single one of them. He’s redeeming their stories already, right here in this place, and I am so incredibly humbled to be a part of it.

           ~God is so present in this place. It might be one of the few things we all have in common actually. Though we don’t share much else in common, we share our faith and we do so graciously and openly. We pray together (in different languages often) and every single precious child in our home has a life verse above their bed because we just know that God promises to do great things in their lives.

          ~  I make life so much more difficult than it really is. In the past 4 days, I have gone without so, so many things I find to be vital at home (a straightener, blow dryer, cell phone, regular internet access, a car, access to “American foods” and so much more) and you know what, I’m okay. Life is simple here. We do our work, make our food, eat and enjoy the outdoors, reading and studying God’s Word. I’ve been able to make time for things I don’t do nearly as much as I should at home. I’ve had a great time with The Lord every day and I’ve been journaling and reading.

           ~A few random things- we leave doors open, like everywhere all the time. Even though we live in a dangerous area and the crime is real, the doors are always open. Weird, I know. The ants are awful… I noticed the first night that we have tons of bug spray under the sink, now I know why. Leave one crumb and they’re everywhere. They have a mall, like yes a real mall, just like in America. Honestly, it’s a whole lot nicer than the Lynchburg mall haha. Lastly, South African winters are not winter hahah. I knew it wouldn’t be cold per say, but it’s hot. Like, in America I’d go to the beach, hot 😉


That’s all for now guys. I promise better, more thorough updates will come, but for now this is a quick summary of my first couple days. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, they’re getting me through and I am loving the cards some of you sent! Keep the prayers coming 🙂


April 11, 2014 Uncategorized

Tread Lightly… A Plea for Grace and Discernment

You know what I’d like to be doing right now? Sleeping.
This was not one of those blog posts where the thought came to me and I rushed to find paper and write it down before I excitedly pulled out my laptop and formulated an inspirational outline of my thoughts.
In fact this was not a post I wanted to write at all…

You see, this isn’t something I have come out on the other side of and can wisely say “here’s what God taught me, let me help you through it.”

If anything, my authority on this subject rests largely in the fact that I am the biggest of failures in this area. I admit it, hand held high in the air, it’s me. I fail regularly at this and that is the closest to any wisdom I have on the matter.

So with a heavy heart, I write. I write for me as much as for you and I plead with you to extend grace as you read what is likely one of the rawest blog posts I’ve written. It won’t be polished or pretty, but it will be my heart.

In the last week or so, my world was greatly impacted by a private situation that was blasted on news media of all sorts. Within 12 hours, a private issue became a matter of international news.

For me, it’s not a “situation” or an “issue,” I don’t have the luxury to remove myself from the situation and see it as clearly as I wish I could because it is a part of my life. I am living it out in the very moments I type this post.

As an employee of Timberlake Christian School, I quickly became the target of substantial amounts of hate alongside each of my loving, kind coworkers.

For us, it’s far more than a headline-

It’s the reason we have been bashed, threatened and labeled
It’s the reason I now enter work with a grateful glance and hopeful hello to the officer who spends all day ensuring our safety amidst the many received threats
It’s the reason I have spent many a night in the last week wide awake, wondering, praying and battling with my beliefs
It’s the reason I’ve bit my tongue hard and the reason I’ve wished I could reel back in my words and erase any trace
It’s the reason I’ve sat awake with tears in my eyes and a pit in my stomach because there are real people, very real people on both sides of this and every issue who are oh so wounded and broken

Today, Pastor Bryan released a lengthy and detailed statement filled with grace, love and integrity. Reading his words and being reminded of the strength and depth of the love that I am surrounded with at work was like water to this thirsty, anxious soul.

(You can read his letter, which outlines the situation with accuracy and grace here: http://tcs4u.org/timberlakeuserfiles/file/tcs_parents_letter.pdf)

For me though, the lessons I’ve been learning this week go so much farther than this situation and or the many others we are daily bombarded with, from the World Vision controversy to the Noah movie or the resignation of two prominent pastors and the hundreds of other controversial issues I could list, there is much more to be learned.

We (or should I say I? this one is so preaching to the choir) need to learn to tread lightly with our words. If Satan is the lion who seeks to kill and destroy, I believe his den with this generation is the internet. We need to learn to have these deep, meaningful and even important conversations in the correct contexts. If you really respect someone enough to discuss and argue your opinions, do it in a face to face situation in which words and intentions are far less likely to be misconstrued. Do it within the relationships that you have gained the respect and the right to speak truth into someone’s life. These are the only discussions that lead to any real change in mindset anyway. 

You know when the last time I saw someone change their mind because of a well worded comment on social media was? Never. Social media is not the evil, it’s how we use it. Issues of the heart were never meant to be debated this way.

 And while we’re on this can I go ahead and publicly apologize? I’ve sought to be very cautious with my words in these last couple of weeks, but I’m sure that I have said or typed something that was not loving, kind, or a reflection of Christ. And for that, I’m sorry. Walk with me on this journey of growth and maturity with my words. Even as I decided whether or not to publish this post, I asked for prayer and sent it to the people who have earned the right to speak truth in my life and I asked them to check me and help me examine my motives and my words. I’m a work in progress. 

Ultimately, most of the things we fight about are gray issues, I’m not sure we will ever come to a conclusion, but what I do fear will happen is that Satan will effectively accomplish his goal by distracting us through petty arguments. Our role as the church is not determined by the changing trends, opinions or news. We rest and find our unity in the unchanging Word of God and I pray that we never forget that.  When I wake up tomorrow, regardless of the latest headline, debate, or public failure of Christians, my job will remain the same. We’re called to go and make disciples and to be known by our love and I pray that will be true. 

I refuse to be a battleground or a platform for hate. Satan does not need anymore voices in this battle. The comments are open, but I urge you to use wisdom, discernment and love in your responses and know that if not, I will delete them. You are entitled to your opinion, but as I stated, I will not allow this forum to be used for hate. Please, write your own blogs in indignant disagreement with me if you choose, but as this is my space, I will monitor and I will delete anything hateful. Please let’s lay down our weapons at the altar and pick up the burdens of our brothers and sisters instead. Let’s refuse to be voices of hate, but let’s lighten each other’s loads and extend the version of grace we expect to receive.

I believe in you church, I know you’re still there, brimming with potential. And maybe, maybe some of you are feeling heavy with words you’ve already spewed and cannot take back. I’ve been there. Say I’m sorry and move on. Do not be defined by yesterday’s regrets, but by tomorrow’s potential. Because His grace covers all of us, from the angry, sword raising arrow slinging, recovering Christian to the many faces in media whose lives are turned upside down and criticized. God loves each of us and His grace is big enough for us. I pray that we will be a generation and a voice remembered for our love and not our arguments. I pray that we will lay down our need to be “right” in honor of a king who laid down everything on our behalf. 

So there it is, the post I didn’t want to write. What I wanted to do was craft a series of strongly worded Facebook statuses and comments parading my version of the “truth” for everyone and putting people in their place, but what would it accomplish? When surrounded by an issue on which I could not legally and professionally comment on my opinion, I quickly learned how small and insignificant my opinion really is in the grand scheme of things.

The truth, as if any of us will ever discover it all on any issue, does not need my defending and even if it did, I’m not so sure I’m a worthy defender. 

So, last week, I learned a lot to just shut the screen and get on my knees, because that’s where hearts really begin to change and little did I know, mine was first on the list.


March 10, 2014 Uncategorized

Everyone Has a Story


The shortest distance between two people is a story. 


Patti Digh

 
I went on one of the most interesting train rides of my life yesterday. You know what made it different from every other trip I’ve ever been on? I stopped and really saw the people around me. I listened, I talked and I shared life with people, most of whom I had never met before…


I think we’ve lost that, the ability to really see people, not just their appearance or their voices or their masks, but who they are underneath it all. 







Our first instinct (admittedly mine as well) is to pull out our electronics and strive for connection. We search for human connection, but ignore the vast opportunities that sit, literally, right next to us.



Yesterday, we chose a different route. We became friends with a complete stranger and shared our stories, our opinions, our thoughts. We welcomed others into our conversations as well and thereby got to share in their lives. We listened to what happened around us and made ourselves aware. We prayed, we hurt for people and we asked God to show up. And He did. In the coolest of ways, we got to see the gospel presented and we started to wonder how many of these situations we have missed. 



We went through a thousand things that, if they had happened, would have caused us to miss these moments:

If we had sat in our original seats
If we had put in headphones
If we had caught up on the sleep we lost all week
If we had not sat in silence at the end of the evening because we were tired and just listened to those around us


I’d be willing to bet that these opportunities have been far more present in my life than I realize. I have likely drowned many of them out with distractions. I’ve focused more on my technology, my work, myself, and chosen to isolate myself from those around me.



I don’t want that to be my life though. I want to see people, to hear their stories, and to care. I want them to see Jesus through the intensity with which I genuinely listen and care about them. I want to be a representation of the way that He chooses to invest in our lives though He doesn’t have to in any way. 



So this morning, I started fresh, again. I decided to be gentle with other people’s stories and their hearts. 


I walked into church and I saw people in a completely different way.


Instead of the single mom with the screaming toddler, I saw a strong woman who had undoubtedly spent all morning running and chasing an energetic child and still managed to get him to church. I didn’t see the mismatched socks, unwashed hair or tired eyes, I saw a woman who, with all of her might, invested in her child. A woman who cares about her child’s eternity and, even after the nightly bedtime battle, pulls out the juice stained child’s devotion book and reads to her baby. And then she kneels down on tired knees and teaches her baby to pray, through countless interruptions and giggles and rejoices the first time he says a prayer on his own, even if he is asking God for more cookies tomorrow.



Hey mom, it’ll pay off. Those sleepless nights, hurried mornings and every time you answered “why” just one more time. You are raising a world-changer; stay in the fight, you will both survive and your hard work will pay off.


Instead of the older woman with wrinkles and a worn demeanor who sat down alone, I saw a woman who has spent countless night on her knees praying that just once, her husband would come with her. I saw the marks of a thousand laughs gently grazing the sides of her face. She doesn’t give up, or get bitter, she just goes home and loves him well, shows him grace and prays again. She comes back each Sunday, sits alone and praises the God in whom she finds the strength to get up and face a broken marriage every day.



I see you, oh tired soul, I do. I stand with you and I pray with you. And I believe, I really do, that one day he will come around. Keep loving well, keep praying.



In the troubled teen, I see potential. In the tired businessman, I see the dad who works hard to provide for his family. All of a sudden, people have stories and I am intrigued. I care deeply and I desire to know them and to help carry their burdens with and for them.



This, this is the attitude I want to mark my life. I want to know a thousand stories and to learn to handle people’s hearts and lives gently.



I wonder how much would change if we all really loved this way. It’s hard to hate someone when you understand where they’re coming from.



This morning, I heard my first sermon on lent. The pastor encouraged us to look at lent differently this year and to worry more about what we were moving toward than what we were moving away from.



This is what I want to move toward this year- not for the next 40 days, but for the next 40 years. I want to move towards the eyes of Christ, towards knowing other’s stories and loving them well.



“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”


February 14, 2014 Uncategorized

God Will Open Doors….


The long awaited Africa post…here it is.

I’ve thought about this for many, many nights and for some reason, I have struggled so much to put my heart into words surrounding this subject. Maybe it is because I’m still not sure myself on all the why or how details.

You see, this journey I’ve taken the last six months or so has so little to do with me. I’m no longer in control and while this can be glorious and fulfilling, it is also absolutely terrifying.

In August, God awakened my heart to an idea that was beyond what I considered realistic. Through running into an old friend, a journey started that day that led me to the coming adventure to Africa. A friend of mine volunteered years ago at an abandoned baby home in Johannesburg called Door of Hope. Since the day she returned, that ministry has held a special place in my heart. I’ve prayed about it, researched it and more, but I never thought I’d actually go. That night in August though, Sarah said to me “Go to the website. Check it out. Think about applying.”


After the event, I got home and late that night I sat in my bed looking at pictures of sweet African children and weeping. My heart was stirred in a way I had never before experienced and I knew I had to go. I didn’t know how, why, when or anything else, but I was, maybe for the first time in my life, completely sure that this was part of God’s plan.

It’s funny how the world gets in the way though. I had my night, I was sure, and then just like that, I was back in the real world. I was working and preparing to move back to college and Africa was quietly swept under the rug. I moved back in at college and several weeks later, I found an email in a stack of papers. The email was dated 3 years to the date from the day I moved back and it was simply entitled “God Will Open Doors..”. It was from one of my greatest spiritual mentors who has since gone to be with the Lord. You know what it was about? Africa. She was praying, 3 years in advance, that God would make clear the path He had for me to serve at this exact place. I don’t even remember mentioning the ministry to her, but obviously I had and because of how in tune with God she was, she recognized the importance. And boy was she right, God has opened doors. It still gives me chills to think about the perfect words she had written and prayed with such foresight. That’s God y’all.


And so, I wept… again. And I said to God for the first time “maybe” as if I really had a choice. I started talking to friends about it and I filled out the application. There were so many other “God moments” I could tell you about that it would fill a book. God brought me a sweet group of friends who began praying for me (and putting up with a lot of tears.. it was a confusing time haha) and He sent me a sweet, sweet friend who had traveled the world and allowed her heart to be opened and her life to be changed and she encouraged me to do the same, even when it was scary.


The funny thing was when I went to submit my application, I hit a roadblock. I had read somewhere that they offered a six week option and suddenly there was nothing shorter than 3 months. I stopped, I prayed and I sent the application anyways explaining that I only had the summer, about six weeks, but I really felt God calling me. I sent the application and I waited. I waited and prayed.

While I was filling out the application, I realized that I hadn’t even mentioned this to my parents. On a long car ride home, I poured my heart out to my mom with all that God had been doing for the last several weeks and she smiled. She’s been a missionary overseas and has prayed since I was a little girl that I would follow God in the most radical ways and that she and my dad would have the grace to let me. My dad gave me the same blessing and I am so grateful that they have always supported me when it comes to following God’s leading. After an agreement to take a self-defense class and get them some more details, I knew I had their blessing.

About a week later, back at school, I woke up to an email saying that after much consideration I had been accepted as a special case for 6 weeks.

Since that day, I’ve set the dates, prayed and cried some more, bought a plane ticket, wrestled with fear and raised some money. God has also provided a gracious, sweet lady from my church who lovingly offered to fly with me to Africa and help me settle in.

It’s been a whirlwind since that night in August and I know that my life will never return to the certainty and control that I had before. There are a million reasons that I shouldn’t go:
– I’ve never flown before
– I’m traveling alone (now with the friend) and not with a group
– Johannesburg is dangerous, like really dangerous, especially for young women
– I have a job offer and other plans for summer that are safe and comfortable
There are so many more, but then there’s one reason to go that exceeds all others and it’s just God. It’s the Great Commission, it’s caring for the orphans and the widows, it’s following where God leads me. God never once called me to be safe and secure, but He has called me to follow Him with reckless abandon and that’s what I fully intend to do. There is beauty in the faith that God builds when we follow Him without knowing all of the details. I don’t know where the money will come from to pay for the rest of my trip, I can’t be sure that I will spend my trip in safety. There are lots of unknowns, but there is one thing that is always certain and when the ground beneath my feet shakes, I learn to cling to Him and His strength even more.The greatest part is, my life didn’t change the moment I stepped off the plane into another country, it changed the moment I gave up control. There’s not a landmark of significance, but rather a beaten and traveled road, well worn from the journey.Walking with Christ is an everyday experience.

If there is one thing I have learned through it all it’s this- my life is not my own, it’s completely and utterly God’s, but I can choose to hold onto it white knuckled, with clenched fists, fear, and the false assurance of control or I can humbly hold up my empty hands to Christ and say “It’s yours, all of it, completely. Do with it what you want and I will follow.” The latter is an incredible journey and to be caught in the oceans of God’s grace keenly aware that you have let go is full, oh so full of joy and peace.

January 10, 2014 Uncategorized

9 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor and His Family


 I read a blog post the other morning entitled “5 Ways to Discourage Your Pastor” (which you can check out here http://rickwhitter.com/2014/01/04/5-ways-to-discourage-your-pastor/).  It was on point and while there are a million things I could add to the list, I wonder if maybe the church needs some practical ways to do the exact opposite. How do you encourage  your pastor? So here it is 9 ways… read up and let me know your thoughts.

    1. Attend services– This seems like a duh, he wouldn’t be your pastor if you didn’t right? Okay yes, but do you really attend your church’s events and services? Are you fully there or are you making ten to-do lists in your head? Be fully present, engage in services.  Come, and be on time. Come not just to Sunday morning, but check out special events, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights. Don’t just come, but bring your family. Make church a priority. Your church staff pours lots of preparation and energy into the services, but if you don’t show up, it gets discouraging. They can make flashy invitations and practically bribe you, but ultimately it is the choice you make. Where does church fall on your priority list?
    2.  Use your gifts and talents in the church– Study up on spiritual gifts and you’ll find that they are given for use in the local church. This means that it is a natural expectation that you will use them to serve the Lord in your church. Did God give you the gift of organizing? Singing? Teaching? Leadership? Whatever it is, before you burn yourself out using it at work and home make sure you are offering your “first fruits” to God through your local church.
     3.  Serve, without being asked– I can’t tell you the number of times that a pastor has announced a position needing filled or a task that needs to be done for months. Eventually, one of two things will happen. Either one of the people already doing a million things will take it on and spread themselves a little thinner or a staff member will approach someone personally and they will say something along the lines of “sure I’d love to”. Number one is wrong for the obvious reasons, believe me, the 80-20 rule is very real in most local churches.  Number two.. it’s great that you want to help, but save your church staff some effort and volunteer when they announce the need. If you are able or feel called to do it, volunteer, don’t make them ask you. Too often, we expect that somebody else will do it and in the end, no one does it.
      4. Speaking of serving, demonstrate commitment– When you take on a task in the church do it wholeheartedly until for some reason you decide that you can’t. At that point, ask others if they can cover the task for you and let your leadership know you cannot be responsible for it any longer. One of the most draining things about being in ministry is taking on all of the abandoned tasks that people fail to complete. When something is new and glamorous, people volunteer. Six months down the road, they often complete their duties half-heartedly and late, if at all. Exercise the same commitment you expect from others and stick to your responsibilities.
      5.  Don’t leave the responsibility of discipling your kids to your church’s children’s ministry– While Sunday School teachers and Children’s ministers do their best, they cannot be solely responsible for the spiritual growth of your children. Your kids will spend 2 hours a week on average at church compared to the hundreds they spend elsewhere, make sure you are living an authentic Christian life to lead them by example and focus on their spiritual growth at home too. Pray with them, do a nightly devotion. Let them see you praying for them and reading your Bible. Together, we can do this!
     6.  Defend your pastor and his family and your church and its staff privately and publicly– Be the first to put in a good word for your church in the community . Speak highly of your church and the staff there in their presence and behind their backs. When you are touched by their leadership or kindness, thank them. I guarantee they will be grateful. Critics tend to speak loudly and have lots to say. Be the exception. And when something happens that you disagree with, don’t try to raise support for your side through gossip, instead approach the person or leader directly and talk through the issue. Above all, defend your pastor, his family, your church and the staff in the best way possible, on your knees. Pray regularly for all those in leadership of the church, they face battles you will likely never hear of, but you can fight for them daily through prayer.
      7. Guard your Pastor’s time with his family– While my family has been blessed to minister in churches that were extremely supportive of family time, this is not always the case. Remember, that just like you, your pastor has a family and he needs to be present for them. There will be times that he needs to be a dad or a husband more than he needs to be a pastor. I will always be grateful for a church family that not only supported, but encouraged my dad to be at softball games and chorus concerts instead of committee meetings and church events. Your pastor will be able to better serve your church when you allow him to be the kind of dad and husband God has called him to be as well. Far too many a pastor has ended in divorce with a family torn apart because the church had more of him than his family did. Refuse to allow that; guard his time and be the first to insist that he be with his family for the big stuff.
     8.  When you see a need in the church, instead of complaining, take the opportunity to meet it– From little things like taking the trash out and watering plants to things like visiting a sick member. It’s the simple, practical things that your staff (especially if you attend a small church) occasionally forgets. The stapler that always jams when you use it? Buy the church a new one if you can afford it.  Practically meeting the needs of the church takes one more thing off of your church staff and speaks volumes of care. Instead of making it known that these haven’t been done, take out the trash, water the plants and visit the member.
    9.   Lastly, be a joyful giver– As a Christian, it’s our duty to tithe ten percent, but studies show that the majority of Christians don’t. If they give at all, they rarely tithe the called for ten percent.  Your willingness to tithe and give an offering above and beyond that is a sign of spiritual growth and maturity. Your pastor will feel supported and encouraged when you take this step of maturity. It speaks highly of the value you place on your church and your relationship with Christ.
As a “pastor’s kid” for the entirety of my 19 years of life, I have grown to love the local church. It is my heart. This is in no way a criticism of the church, but instead practical tools to help us build each other up! My family has been so blessed by the faithful, loving body of Christ in the years we have been in the ministry. So, in closing, thank you. To those of you who pray for us, encourage us and work for the Kingdom alongside us, you are not overlooked. We are so grateful for the opportunity to serve Christ and seek His glory alongside you. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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